NADIA TONGOUR OBITUARY- JANUARY 2022

                                   

                                                

           DR NADIA TONGOUR 

              

         

 

Dr. Nadia Tongour, US diplomat, educator, life-long learner, world traveler, wonderful mother to her son, Dana (“Dan”) , and an unparalleled collector of friends, died at her home in Washington, DC on January 8, 2022. She was born in Istanbul, Turkey, on March 27, 1947. Her parents emigrated to the United States when she was a young child, and moved to Barnwell, where her father, Jack, was employed and who, for many years, was the manager of the National Fastener “Zipper” Plant.  She was always an excellent student and was class valedictorian of her Barnwell High Class of 1964.

No matter where she later traveled or lived, Barnwell was always Nadia’s “hometown”.   Barnwell is where she learned to speak English, became an American citizen, and most importantly as she wrote in her memoirs, assimilated into American society. Until her death, she continued to want to be informed of the  news in Barnwell.  She subscribed to this newspaper and was an avid reader.

Nadia was the first in her family to attend college and graduated from the College of William and Mary where her honors included induction into Phi Beta Kappa. During her time at William and Mary, she also spent a summer studying French history and language at the Sorbonne University in Paris.   She received a Ford Foundation grant for graduate study at Stanford University.  There she completed her M.A. and Ph.D. (1979) degrees in Russian history.   Her dissertation title was “Diplomacy in Exile: Russian Emigres in Paris, 1918-1925.” The topic was of great interest to her since her own family (on both sides) were emigrants from Russia and left that country just after the Bolshevik Revolution.  Her mother’s family initially settled in Paris and then later Istanbul.  Her father’s family had previously evacuated from Crimea to Istanbul with the Tsarist army. 

Prior to embarking on her diplomatic career, Nadia spent several years as a university professor teaching modern European and Russian History at Hamilton College in New York and at California State University College at Chico.

Nadia was appointed to be a Foreign Service Officer with the US Department of State in 1980. She served tours abroad in Mexico, Brazil, Barbados and Grenada, where she was Principal Officer of the US Embassy.   She also worked on various assignments in Washington including country desk officer for the USSR, Hungary, and to the Balkan Countries. Nadia was also Editor in Chief of the Annual Human Rights Report, and Director of the Human Rights Bureau/ Office of Asia/Western Hemisphere Affairs.  Nadia officially retired from the Department of State in 2007. 

 

Upon her retirement, Nadia continued to work for the State Department on a part-time basis, assisting with the compilation of international Human Rights reports, serving as a counselor and mentor at American University, and helping students who were applying for Fulbright Scholarships.  

The love of her life was her son, Dana “Dan” Michael Hunt, who was born in 1992.  Nadia had an extraordinary zeal for life, and often said about herself: “I’m juggling as fast as I can!”  Although her health began to fail, she disliked speaking of her own challenges.  Instead, she preferred to focus on the future and her work on various projects, including writing a history of her family, which she continued to edit even on her last day.  She loved world travel and despite her illness, was planning a trip to Greece later this year. She was a regular student at the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute in Washington and lived by that program’s motto: “Learning is a lifelong process and curiosity never retires”.

 

Nadia will always be remembered for her wonderful, quick sense of humor.  She was also a voracious reader, a volunteer literacy tutor, a ruthless Scrabble opponent, a theater buff, a cinephile, a collector of folk art, a member of book clubs and a wine tasting group, and a supporter of rescue animals, especially her much loved dog, Anastasia.

 

 Her circle of friends extended across the US and to many other countries, and she loved to stay in contact with them both personally and on Facebook. One lifelong friend commented that “from her childhood in Barnwell, through her academic studies and teaching, and all around the world in her diplomatic career, she made and kept friends with astonishing durability.  She grew a community wherever she lived and continued to nurture those bonds until the day she died.”

 

Her mother and father, with their special drive and hopefulness common to immigrants always advised Nadia that in any undertaking and in life in general,  she should seek “to finish in beauty.” She leaves a loving family and many friends who can attest that she did just that.

 

She is survived by son, Dan, a brother, Michael who lives in Washington with his wife Lalie, and their children Jack, Alec, and Stella.  She was predeceased by her parents, Jack and Stella Tongour. Nadia often recounted the importance of the Barnwell County Library in stimulating her love of reading and to her educational development. Supporting the Library was also a priority of her parents.  Also, her father was a long time Library Board Member.  If friends wish to memorialize Nadia’s life, please consider the Barnwell County Library.

After her cremation, she will have celebrations of her life in California, Washington, and Grenada.   Internment will occur at the Church of the Holy Apostles in Barnwell, at a later date, with a reception for friends to follow.  Details will be announced later in the Barnwell People Sentinel.

 

           

Details from Senator Al Simpson's DC Book Signing Event

On Thursday, February 16, I cohosted an event in honor of the publication of a book about Senator Alan K. Simpson,  my former boss,  entitled:  "Shooting from the Lip".  I served as his Chief Counsel during his last six years as Senate GOP Whip. It was  a tremendous experience.  We remain great friends today. The book was written by his former chief of staff, Don Hardy, who had unprecedented access to Al's diaries and other personal documents. This was the first major "roll out" of the book in DC.  Lots of friends of Ann and Al Simpson were there--both Democrats and Republicans, and media folks, too. It was great fun! A link to an article about the event is below.  Also the link contains an entertaining video of Al's comments that evening.  His wonderful humor and candor make him a beloved figure in America.  (There is even an unauthorized Simpson for President in 2012 movement!) .  Al talks about the importance of bipartisanship, why "compromise" shouldn't be a a bad word, and does shout outs to a variety of friends in attendance like former VP Dick Cheney, Congressman John Dingell, former DOT Secretary Norm Mineta, former Senator Chuck Robb, journalist Nina Totenberg, and even my wife and me.  Am also attaching a photo taken of me talking with Sam Donaldson, Secretary Mineta, and Congressman Dingell.


http://www.whitehousecorrespondentsweekendinsider.com/2012/02/17/alan-simpson-book-party-celebration-justice-thomas-and-cheneys/

Jack's Solo

                                                     JACK'S SOLO AT ROCK TO BACH

         Rock to Bach is a mini-camp for young artists held in Bethesda in the summer.  At the end of the camp week (July 27) , the kids perform.  Jack, our eldest, who is 11, has a good stage presence and a strong voice (with all parental modesty aside).  Here is a snippet of Jack's solo in his camp's  Glee Club's version of the ubiquitous Journey hit "Don't Stop Believin'".  Pretty good, right?

Remark's on Acceptance of Dean's Award/ USC College of Arts and Sciences March 22, 2013, Dedicated to Stella, B.A. 1977

On March 22, 2013,  I was honored to receive the Dean's Award from the College of Arts and Sciences at the University of South Carolina.  Here are photos of my family: lovely and supportive wife, Lalie, our children, Jack, Alec, and Stella, Lalie's mom, Louise, her Dad, Ron, and his spouse, Barbara, and of me giving the remarks. It was a wonderful evening attended by life long friends, mentors, and family. I dedicated the award to my mother who passed away last year.  My remarks follow.  A link to the press release announcing the award follows the remarks.

       



         REMARKS ON ACCEPTANCE OF THE DEAN’S AWARD/

         DEDICATED TO STELLA TONGOUR/ MARCH 22, 2013 

       

 

Thank you, Dean Fitzpatrick. I feel more grateful to USC than I feel deserving of this award. It has taken what my former boss, Senator Alan Simpson, calls “creeping maturity” to understand that USC, and specifically the College of Arts and Sciences, was really a crucible for my life, and changed it in such a positive way.  But I didn’t fully realize that when I was younger.  In retrospect, USC provided  an excellent balance of solid academics, along with practical experience in government and politics which greatly influenced my future career.  Importantly, it was fun, and it was where I made many life-long friends.

I remember coming here nearly 40 years ago, and thinking how intimidatingly huge Columbia was.  I was scared to drive in all this traffic. But my anxieties didn’t last long.  I met students and professors from all around the country and the world, who provided a broader exposure to life.  I had great professors like Blease Graham, John Stucker, and Don Fowler, whom I am pleased is here tonight.  They combined the best of academia and a keen real world understanding.  They encouraged my involvement in campaigns and political organizations.  I was able to work at the SC State House for the legendary Speaker Solomon Blatt.  There, I observed/learned much about the legislative process. (I also learned what Old Crow and branch water was).  I learned about leadership in my college fraternity and in the IFC. I also learned that you could have a good time and also do well academically. So for these and many other reasons, I am grateful to USC.

I am also grateful and humbled when I look around this room and see such wonderful friends, teachers (like Margie Claytor and Lu Richardson), mentors from every stage of my life.   There are friends here from Barnwell, from my college days, from law school, from Washington, including Congressman Joe Wilson and his wife Roxanne, friends from Haynsworth Sinkler Boyd, and of course my family—my wonderful wife, Lalie, Furman grad (graduating a bit later than I), our kids, Jack, Alec, and Stella, Lalie’s mom, Louise, her dad, Ron, and his spouse, Barbara.  

Please don’t think my life at USC was totally idyllic.  I experienced something here that could easily have been the inspiration for a sit com. A little background:  My mother, Stella, regularly introduced herself as “Michael’s mom”.  I always appreciated her love, but she was almost too attentive. She was living in war torn Europe when she finished the French equivalent of high school, but, unfortunately,  had no opportunity to further her education. My parents immigrated to the US in 1950.  My mother’s dream was to teach.  Of course, she couldn’t without a college degree. When USC’s Salkehatchie Regional campus, near Barnwell, opened its doors in the mid 60’s, she (accompanied by her friend Mary Griner, who is here tonight) began the journey for her dream.  She took one course per semester until she finished whatever Salkehatchie could offer.  Then, you guessed it, she spent nearly three years commuting to Columbia to finish her degree. And that is precisely when things got complicated for me! Her timing was painful because those were also  three of the four years which I spent as an undergraduate at Carolina. It’s very hard to be a big man on campus when your mother seems to show up everywhere.  Imagine the embarrassment of your professor announcing to a huge class that “Michael Tongour’s mother is at the door and apparently needs his assistance with her car”.  Or coming to your fraternity house and finding your mother taking a break there between her classes, and showing your fraternity brothers your childhood pictures.  Or one awful day, going to the first day of a class, and realizing that your mom would be your classmate. On  my entry, she immediately leaped out of her desk to give me a hug. I decided to drop that class.

As I said, although I liked my time here, I was too young to truly appreciate it.  But my mother was about the same age as I am now when she finished here, and she was wise enough to know just what a great opportunity she had.  Because of her past, she also understood deprivation, which I never experienced. I don’t think a student ever loved Carolina more than she did.   Unfortunately, mom died last year.  I really miss her.

 

What I have in my hand is her scrapbook.  The title is “My College Memories”. There are pictures of her in front of campus buildings, pictures of her friends, pictures she took of her favorite professors, her  Phi Beta Kappa certificate, her President’s Honor Roll certificates, and finally photos in her graduation cap and gown.  My mom was a life- long student.  She went on to get a Master’s degree in education, and achieved her goal of being a teacher. She tutored students all the way until the last years of her life.

As a 19 or 20 year old, I guess I could be forgiven for feeling uncomfortable with my mother being such a presence in my college life. But as I prepared for tonight, I thought “what I wouldn’t give to  spend one day with her on campus.”

Most of our guests tonight knew my mother. You know she would have loved being here.  And likely, she is!

So I am pleased to accept this award, but dedicate it to the loving memory of Stella Tongour, USC, Bachelor of Arts, magna cum laude 1977.


http://thepeoplesentinel.com/node/65354

A Eulogy for Jack Tongour

My amazing Dad died on October 20, 2012, in Washington, DC.  He led a long, productive life.  He remained very active, and maintained his mental acuity and his wonderful sense of humor until the end. What follows is a link to his obituary and the eulogy I delivered at a memorial service for him in Washington, DC at our church, St. Patirck's Episcopal.

                                    A Eulogy for My Dad, Jack Tongour

               St. Patrick’s Episcopal Church, Washington, DC, 11/4/2012

                    

Thank  you for coming today.  Our family has been  overwhelmed with the support of our friends. I especially thank  Kurt, Andrea, Adele, Karen, Jean Luc, and Dorian for their efforts at making this service so meaningful.  We do have a great church!

I just have a few minutes.  I won’t go over the details of his obituary.   Instead, and especially for our children, I want to talk about how my Dad lived, and his core  principles.  I hope they serve to guide their lives.

Life isn’t easy. Expect that there will be hardships. To get through it, have a good sense of humor-- no matter what comes your way.  You gain respect by keeping your word, working hard, and paying your debts.  Try not to ask for favors or be an imposition.   Try to exceed the expectations of others in all your dealings in life.  Study hard. Be a good student. Be a good son, a good father, a good husband, a good provider, and a good friend.   Be charitable and civic minded. Love America. Give back to your community and to your church.

As Aunt Nadia said, when you think about Grandaddy Jack remember that he didn’t start life with the kinds of advantages that you have. He wasn’t born in a free country. He didn’t have the chance to attend wonderful schools like St Pat’s and Lab.  He didn’t have a nice home. Even food was scarce.  He had none of the things that  you  might take for granted.  But he did have a dream.  He did have pride, and   integrity. He was smart, resourceful, and he was willing to work very hard to make sure his future children and grandchildren (you all) had better opportunities than he had.  Today’s Gospel, talks about  the good shepherd who was willing to sacrifice everything for his sheep.  Grandaddy Jack was like that. To better deal with life’s challenges, God gave him a special armor—a quick, endearing sense of humor which served him very well his whole life, up until the end. I want to celebrate that gift today. 

 

He never lost his heavy accent, which stood out in our South Carolina town where he and mom lived for over 60 years.  Of course, there were “old timers” who were proud of their comparative pedigree.  In the first few years , a  ponderous, elderly lady regularly stopped him at the PO and would ask him the same question:  Where did you come from? Without giving him much time to respond, she’d  interrupt and recite how her family had come over in the 17th century and had resided in SC ever since.  After her inquiries got too repetitive, Dad’s retort  one  day became a Barnwell classic:  “We came over on the Cauliflower, not the  Mayflower.  But the difference between us is that when I came here the immigration standards were much stricter.”   He also liked to respond to the “where are you from”   question with obscure countries, like “we are from Outer Mongolia or Upper Volta”.  The truth is that having a Russian heritage at the height of the McCarthy era (especially in the Deep South) wasn’t something to be advertised.   Instead, he’d use humor and move on.

They did their best to learn the local culture, but made their share of mistakes--- which they laughed about for years.  Dad was a great host, and it was always his European style to offer any visitor a drink.  When the Baptist minister came to call to recruit the  new family in town to  his church, Dad offered him a cocktail.  The preacher quickly and uncomfortably left our house,  but the story quickly spread.  Of course this left an opening for the local Episcopal priest, who, in the vernacular of the day, certainly enjoyed a good highball. When he visited, Dad  had learned his lesson, and assumed all clergy in the south must be teetotalers.  He only offered the priest a soft drink. The priest didn’t stay long either, but he did spread the word that Jack Tongour was a very odd man---- stiffing him for a drink, but offering one to the  Southern Baptist. 

Despite the rocky start, they did become active members in the local Episcopal Church.  Dad always said having faith was hard and no matter what religion you chose, you should never criticize any other’s beliefs or undermine anyone’s faith.  But by the same token, he always searched for the humor in life, and he had a natural comic delivery.  For example, before Mom got sick,  he said:  All religions are good.  But, I worry  if the Mormons are right.  You know, they believe that when you die, you stay married to your spouse for eternity.   I really think 60 years with your mother is enough!

Although my Dad did tease her, like some  Borscht Belt comedian, they  had a strong marriage. They were devoted partners for nearly 67 years, in sickness and in health.  They shared a love of travel,   languages, books, music, art, and history.  They were lifelong learners.  After retirement, they loved taking Elderhostel trips. Most of all they shared a deep love for Nadia and me.  Then later, Dana, Lalie,  and our children. Side note: They really thought Lalie was an angel here on earth, and that the absolute best thing I ever did was to marry her.  Of course, they were right about that, too.   Mom and Dad were married in a civil ceremony in Turkey in 1945.  Fifty years later Mom insisted on a Christian wedding and a renewal of  vows.  Prior to the ceremony,  Dad told their assembled friends:  Stella is concerned we have been living in sin, which really doesn’t bother me, but if this  helps make the children legitimate, it’s OK with me.

Mom didn’t like to cook, but she could make a good pecan pie.  But she only made the pies for others in our community who were  sick or had lost loved ones.  Dad used to say, if you see Stella on your street with a pecan pie, pray it’s not for you.  Dad would think it was funny that we are serving pecan pie today as a dessert in his honor

 I would often hear about his humor through others.  Just a couple of years ago, one of Dad’s friends died.  At the funeral home viewing, a friend of the family walked in and she said:  Jack, I haven’t seen you in so long.  How have you been?  Dad turned to the corpse and responded:  “Better than him!”

In Mom’s last year,  the local priest would drive Dad to Aiken to her nursing home every Tuesday, and give her communion. Dad would also do his errands while in the big city. On one visit, he was shopping for some shoes, and the sales clerk saw the priest nearby.  She approached the priest and asked if he needed anything as well. Dad interjected:  He’s not a customer.  At my age, comfortable shoes are very important.  Whenever  I buy  a new pair, I want a priest to bless them.”

Dad was Mom’s primary caregiver.  Her long illness and death had been very hard on him.  So moving to DC was  a respite  for him, and he loved his time here.  There were so many fun things to do, much less stress, and he loved being with his family, and our friends. He especially loved reconnecting with his grandchildren, and being a regular part of their lives.    He enjoyed   his independent living home, and the new friends he met there, too.  He called it a “hotel”.   Just before he died , a Barnwell friend emailed me about a letter he’d  sent to his SC priest.   He asked him to pray for his soul because  “90 year old women are chasing me down the hall, and I just don’t know how long I can resist.”

I would ask him to join our family at church here at St Patrick’s.  He’d tell me:  The Sunday champagne brunch is the best meal of the week at the hotel and I just can’t miss it. 

He lived a full, interesting life.  He joked about his longevity as if comparing himself to a grocery item.  He liked to say: “I am way beyond my expiration date.” 

I also learned how to leave this earth from Dad.  To him, every day was a gift. He loved cards:  poker, bridge, gin—you name it.  He continued to play bridge until the end.  I would take him to competitive games at the University Club with players half his age.  After a game a few weeks ago, he proudly reported to me that he had bid and made two grand slams, which I understand is a pretty big deal. 

Just three weeks before he died, he was at a Nats game celebrating Alec’s birthday.  He told me how much he enjoyed being with our friends Stephane and Brooke Carnot, and speaking French with them

The day he went into the hospital, he had enjoyed going out for lunch with Nadia to a Turkish restaurant.  By the way, in an abundance of caution, the food after this service is not from that restaurant.

A couple of days before he died, he was helping me plan the guest list for his 95^th birthday celebration in SC.

At the end, he was on oxygen, but  he was tough.  He was alert and maintained an awareness for the feelings and perceptions of others.  He specifically told Lalie and me not to bring Jack, Stella, and Alec to see “me like this”.

He was a regular witness to Mom’s decline and suffering.   He told me more than once, “I don’t want to sit around in a wheel chair waiting to die”.   I believe he successfully willed himself not to spend a day in assisted living, or being what he called “an imposition” on his family.  He succeeded.

 

Dad loved America, and the opportunities it provided, and he was a giver.  He gave back to his country, his community, his church, and to his family.  He exemplified what we now call “the Greatest Generation.”  He came to rural SC, as an outsider, with modest means and  speaking broken English, but he ultimately lived his dream in this great country.  I’ll fast forward from 1950 to today.  I received a condolence card this week from a long time Barnwell Community leader, a SC scion.  He is the senior partner in the oldest law firm in the region, city attorney, etc.  You get the picture.  In his reflections on my Dad, he wrote: “Your father was a giant in this town”.

To lose both parents in one year is hard, but I’d like to think that heaven is a place where you are at your very best for eternity free of pain and suffering. Notwithstanding Dad’s humor, I’d like to think that Mom and Dad are once again together, joined with their many friends who have gone on before.   I have faith that  a  merciful, forgiving God who does have  a sense of humor,   has embraced my Dad  in  Heaven.

I am also thankful for the fact that for 56 years, my Dad was with me.  We had a rich, deep, and loving relationship.  As an adult, I can’t recall having cross words with him.  Most importantly, he was my friend, and I loved his company. So, this is a loss which is very painful.  I don’t think I have ever wept as much. But he died with class, and leaves behind a huge group of people whose lives he enriched.   I am so very proud of him, and am blessed to be his son.   

May God continue to bless you, Dad. Thank you for being such a good example, a good shepherd, to us. Thanks for giving us so much opportunity, joy and, laughter.  We love you!   

 

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/washingtonpost/obituary.aspx?n=JACK-TONGOUR&pid=160693260#fbLoggedOut